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The 12 Deaths of Hunter Grey

by Charlie C, Milwaukie, USA, Age 17

It was cold and dark, and the only light came from the dim buzzing Streetlight that spread its faltering orange light over the snow-covered ground.

I attempted to fight a futile battle against the cold, knowing I could never win, and wondering what they were doing right now, probably warm and safe in their big house with lots of food. I tried not to think of the food, I hadn’t eaten in 3 days.

As the time passed by in slow blurred frames I started to think, how did I end up here? How far have I fallen from what I used to be? How I went from captain of the basketball team to begging for food and stealing car parts for drugs.

Then I remembered the first night, the first step that caused me to fall down the spiral staircase, and my slow decent into a world more scary then I thought could be.

I was 17, and sitting the basement of my best friend Johnny’s cousin, Rick. He just came down the stairs and looked at Johnny, then at me.
“Hey Hunter, wanna go on a trip? He asked.
I looked from him to Johnny, not understanding what he was talking about.

“Yeah I guess...” I said slowly.

He tossed me an aspirin bottle and told me to take one. I fumbled with the child lock on the lid and opened the bottle. Then I took one. I sat on the couch falling backwards into the color red, the air smelled like the color blue, and I felt my legs walking away from me. I looked over at Johnny, he was laughing, his face elongated and deformed, melting, the drops of flesh falling onto the sky forming a little “Johnny pool”. I couldn’t see Rick, but I could see little white dots flying through the air, laughing and giggling, I wanted to laugh and giggle with them, I felt calm, and relaxed, like I was in a different world, a better world where no one hurt and I was safe, I felt like I could fly to the sun, which was right above me waving and smiling at me singing my name, calling me towards it.

It was so beautiful I wanted to cry, but I could only smile and look around, walking in my new kingdom, flying over mountains, while never leaving the color red behind, the smell turned to green, then yellow, and I thought blue was the best out of all of them. That was the greatest feeling of my life, until I fell down the last step.

I started to cry, huddled in my corner on the edge of town, by the bay, no one to talk to, no one to hug or touch me, let me know I was worth a damn or that they even cared, hoping I was safe and crying for me. How far have I fallen I kept saying in my head, I wanted to get high so bad to stop my hurting, but that thought just made me cry more, I held my knees and cried, I was 18, and scared and alone, I wanted my mom to hold me, I wanted me dad tell me he loved me, I wanted my little brother to feel like I would protect him no matter what, not think I was a god damn druggie shooting up meth in the bathroom of a convenience store. The tears on my face practically froze to my cheek, and I wiped my face fiercely. Then I started remembering the last night I was in my house.

My mother had made stuffing for dinner it was the best taste in the world. I was warm and comfortable, also stoned out of my mind my mom and dad walked into my room, my 16-year-old brother behind them.
“Hunter...We need to talk to you...” My mom said, she was falling into the pink and green spiral, and I thought I should tell her, but I couldn't speak.
My dad looked into my eyes.

“We know you’re doing drugs, and we know you’re probably high right now, I thought I raised you better then this shit! You’re way to smart and good for this! , He shouted.
“What the hell are you talking about? I’m not doing drugs!” I shouted, my voice ringing in the air.
“Don’t you fuckin’ lie to me god damn it!”
“Get the hell out of my room!”
“Hunter, please, man...I’m scared”, Tommy said looking like he was about to cry.
“I’m not fucking doing drugs, get the fuck outta my room”.
“God damn it! That’s it, you’re high right now, I'm calling the police” Dad said leaving the room.

I jumped up and ran after him, I grabbed his shoulder and her turned around and slapped me, so I socked him in the face, mom screamed and Tommy yelled something I didn’t hear, Dad got up and tried to grab me and hold me down but I kicked him and ran as fast as I could, out the door down the street and didn’t stop till I was far, far away.

That’s how far I have fallen, I had been living on the streets for two months, and It was Christmas eve...I missed them, I wanted to hold my mom and say I'm sorry to my dad, and I'm sorry to my little brother I was so ashamed, and broken.

I wanted to go back, but what if they didn’t love me anymore, what if they would still call the police and try to hold me there...I was tired of sleeping under a bridge in down town Daxton, and I was tired of being hungry. I was tired of waking up every god damn day wondering why I’m still alive living this dreck life and thinking to myself I wish I were dead, I wish I could just die and stop being a smudge on the floor of society and another etch on the wall of forsaken people, I can’t even begin to explain that feeling of the rush you get, for 30 or 40 seconds of unimaginable bliss, then the ripping sensation of happiness that leaves your body when you realize it’s not the real thing.

I was dirty, and I smelled horrible, my hair was matted, and my teeth were rotting out of my skull. I am the greatest death or Hunter Gray. The greatest let down. How did Hunter die? The first 10 times were in his friend’s basement. The 11th time was a bullet to the head. I thought about it so often. I wanted to end my unbearable sadness, but Her face, his laugh, his words... My mother, my brother, by father, they were my last breath before I took my finger from the trigger and dropped to the ground. Every day was the worst day of my life. In theses days, finding a half eaten sandwich on the bus made my week bearable.

I knew now I had to see them, I had to see my mom dad and Tommy I had to. I got up, wiped my tears away and began to walk, shivering and stuttering down the dock, to the street. I used a doctored bus pass to get a free ride and sat for what felt like forever while the bus rode on. It dropped me off a few busy streets away from home, and I had to walk. The whole time I kept thinking I love them so much, I can’t wait to see them, I hope they still love me, I hope me and Tommy can be buds again, I hope I can still be a mamas boy, and be the chief my dad always called me.

I could see the house now, so close, I could see the lights on the trees and in the yard, But I didn’t see the car speeding towards me.

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