Dorothy Ratusny is a certified Psychotherapist specializing in Cognitive Therapy. Send your "Getting Deep" questions to: dorothy@fazeteen.com
Q:
I
think my brother is gay. I wouldn’t have a problem with
it if he was but I know my parents would freak. Should I feel
my parents out? Kinda prepare them? What should I do?
A: I wonder what the purpose is of doing something
at this stage. I’m not sure that you have to do anything
except just continue to be a supportive, loving sibling to your
brother. If you feel the need to know more information, speak
with him about it. He may or may not be ready to talk if he
is gay, but ultimately it is up to him to speak with your parents.
If your parents do question you on this, encourage them to speak
with him.
Some
gay positive links for teens:
http://www.outproud.org/http://members.tripod.com/gayteenscanada/
Q:
My
sister is one and a half years older than I am and we’ve
always been close. Lately she’s been secretive and doesn’t
seem to want me around. I’m really hurt and sad. Should
I be?
A: Our feelings are largely based on what we think about. If you
are thinking about the changes in your sister’s behavior
towards you and your thoughts are, “Maybe she doesn’t
want me around,” or “She doesn’t like hanging
out with me anymore,” it would make sense that you feel
sad and hurt. However, if you think about your sister’s
change in behavior from the perspective that perhaps she is
struggling with a problem or issue and doesn’t feel like
talking about it at this time, then you might be less inclined
to feel hurt, and instead feel a sense of empathy or concern.
If the two of you have always been close, I would suggest asking
her if everything is ok, and commenting on how you have noticed
a change in her behavior. Respect her decision for needing some
privacy right now, but let her know that you are there for her
if she needs you. Often just knowing that others care and are
supportive is a big help. Alternatively, your sister may just
be figuring some things out for herself and will let you in
on what is going on with her in due time. Being so close in
age can be a big advantage when it comes to sharing and helping
each other through difficult things.
Q:
My friend is 16 and pregnant.
My parents don’t want me to hang around her or even talk
to her on the phone, but I don't want to abandon her at a time
like this. What should I do?
A: Realistically, it’s going to be pretty difficult for your
parents to stop you from seeing your friend. I’d be curious
to know what their reasons are for asking you to do this, but
ultimately this puts you in a morally difficult position. I
think that it takes a very compassionate and caring person to
choose to stay committed to the friendship, and I’m sure
that your friend will gratefully appreciate that you are there
for her. Speak to your parents about your commitment to the
friendship and about the value of practicing ‘acceptance’
of others without judgment. I’m sure that if the roles
were reversed, you would appreciate the same consideration of
your friend as well.
Q:
I
was in my parent’s room and found some marijuana. They’ve
given me the whole, ‘Say No to Drugs’ lecture but
now I know they’re hypocrites. How should I deal with
this?
A: It really depends on how you want to deal with this. I believe
in the value of gathering all of the facts (or as many as you
possibly can), before formulating your decision. Sit with your
parents and let them know that you found marijuana in their
room. Give them an opportunity to explain the ‘facts’
to you. Hopefully you will all be able to have an open and honest
discussion. Your job isn’t to judge them but to gain a
better understanding of the situation. If the marijuana is theirs,
don’t be afraid to tell them how you feel (politely of
course). You might explain that you would rather they practice
what they preach, but ultimately, your decision to smoke marijuana
or not should be based on what’s best for you and not
on what others do. Remember, your parents are human and like
other human beings, they are not perfect.
New
Info on Marijuana…
1.
Questions and Facts for Teens and their Parents:
http://www.rainbowpediatrics.net/faq/16.13.html
2. Marijuana's Effects: More Than Munchies
http://www.nytimes.com/2002/01/29/health/anatomy/29MARI.html
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