From the Spring 2004 Issue
REAL LIFE
Parental
Pressure to Succeed
Faze talks to teens
and rockers Simple Plan
By
Maya Chendke
SIMPLE PLAN
When Simple Plan’s lead
singer, Pierre Bouvier, made the decision to focus on becoming
a rock star, his parents had a mouthful of concerns. And like
many of us, his band mates also ran into some parental opposition
when discussing career plans.
Though Simple Plan now have gold records and hundreds of thousands
of fans, Pierre remembers when things went from bad to worse
with his parents. “There were many discussions,”
he says, of his decision to abandon a post-secondary education,
and there were “a lot of long nights, and a lot of arguments.”
Lead guitarist, Jeff Stinco says, “I remember my dad
telling me at 17 that ‘boy it’s either you go
to med school, do something smart with your life, or you take
the highway.’” And with only $200 to his name,
he did. “I chose to leave home and do it on my own,
and it built character to me,” says Jeff.
And although he laughs about it now, guitarist Sebastien Lefebvre
says his parents were always supportive but said to him, “Do
what you want to do—but hopefully that’ll be going
to school and getting a job.”
JESSIE AND JENNA
Jessie Greenspan and Jenna Bragg became friends in high school,
and are working on their individual paths to success. However,
both 19-year-old girls struggle with pressure from their parents.
For Jessie, she feels the weight of her mother’s hopes
and dreams: “I want her to have a better life than I
did,” says her mom. “Better than being a secretary,
better than being a stay-at home mom. Just better.”
Jessie, now enrolled at a massage therapy college, is battling
a yet-to-be-diagnosed learning disability and dipping grades.
She knows it is difficult for her parents to watch her struggle.
Her mother sighs, “If she wanted to become a doctor,
and that’s what she really truly wanted to be, she could.
But it would be a hell of a job for her. It’s hard for
a parent to say, but you have to know your own child’s
limitations.”
MEDICAL SCHOOL IS NOT ON JENNA’S MIND, THOUGH
IT IS ON HER FATHER’S.
Like
her friend Jessie, Jenna Bragg, a kinesiology student, also
feels the pressure to succeed. “Jen’s always done
really well in school, she’s always dreamed of going
to university,” says her mother, Nancy. Jenna is focused
on completing her program, but she knows her father is already
thinking about her attending medical school. “He wants
me to become a doctor with my kinesiology degree but I really
don’t have any desire to. All he can think of is money
and prestige,” she vents. However, Jenna is determined
to make her own decisions, “It’s not that I no
longer care about how my parents feel, but now I realize that
this is my life. I
am responsible for myself,” she explains.
Jeff, Simple Plan’s guitarist says, “At the beginning
our parents were against us doing music. For us, it was a
matter of convincing our parents that we were going to make
it, even if we didn’t choose the most obvious path,
we were going to make it anyway.” He says, “It
seemed obvious that we should go to college, get a diploma,
and get a ‘normal’ job, but that’s not what
our hearts led us to do.” Pierre says,“If what
you want to do makes sense, then eventually—maybe not
right away— then eventually it’ll work.”
Ashley, Jenna’s younger sister, can relate to the band.
She has also decided not to pursue a post-secondary education,
but will enter the work force instead. “Ashley never
applied herself, never studied,” her mom says, ”not
the same type of extra hours Jenna spent.”
And this comparison to her older sister causes serious tension
between the girls. Ashley is said to have thrown around phrases
like, ’I’m stupid, she’s smart,’ and,
‘I’m ugly, she’s pretty,’ during family
arguments. “My sister is really book smart. I’m
more hands-on, which is tough because I was looked down upon
because of it,” says Ashley. “It made me feel
like less of a person to know that teachers had this expectation
of ‘Jenna’s sister’ being so smart and well-behaved.”
Unfortunately, Ashley is beginning to crack under the stress.
“The pressure to succeed is always so overwhelming,”
she says, “I have gotten so frustrated at times thatI
have been ready to just toss in the towel and call it quits.”
But she realizes it isn’t her sister’s fault and
during times of need she turns to Jenna as a support system
in dealing with the expectations. “She’s got an
open door policy with me. If I ever need her, she’s
there 24/7, which is a great feeling,” Ashley says.
SOME EXPERT ADVICE
Psychotherapist Dorothy Ratusny believes that outside
support is very important for peace of mind, and peace in
the house. She says, “Sometimes it takes other people
coming in, like a mediator or a family friend, or finding
a mentor or teacher.” She also says you have to be clear
with what it is you want to do, which takes a lot of thinking
and researching.
Simple
Plan’s bassist, David Desrosiers, is lucky to have the
super-relaxed parents that every teen wishes for. “My
dad is an optometrist, and they always knew I never wanted
to do that!” Though they divorced when David was 13,
he was adamant about telling them what he wanted to do. “They
were really supportive and they knew that music was my life,”
he says.
Dorothy also feels that sometimes you have to compromise to
a degree. She explains that you may have to appease your parents
by finishing school, or taking a science course even though
you may really want to take all arts.
But Dorothy is careful in drawing the line between compromise
and compliance, “If ‘Bobby’ is a lawyer
and he’s miserable, his wife is divorcing him and his
kids never see him…” she trails off, leaving us
with a vivid idea of what may go wrong with the path of blind
agreement. “At the end of the day, it’s about
staying true to yourself,” she says, which will ultimately
bring parents the most fulfilling sense of success, “They
see their child happy, they see their passion, and at some
point it takes over. When they’re okay with it, they
let go.”
Pierre now knows why his parents were so tough, “They
were just
kinda afraid that nothing might happen and that I’d
be stuck at 25 with basically no plan.” Jeff says, “They
always want the best for you, but the question is how to get
there. They just want you to be happy. That’s “success”
for all of our parents I think.”
simple plan photos courtesy of warner music
canada
