RELATIONSHIPS
From Issue #16
Getting Deep
Your tough questions answered
Q&A with Dr. Dorothy
Q: My sister was diagnosed with
depression about six months ago,
but there has not been much
improvement since, in spite of the
medication she takes. The other day,
I confronted her about her mood swings
and she confessed that she sometimes
goes off her pills because she fears
she will become dependant on them.
I asked my friends and they said my
sister is right; anti-depressants are
addictive. I want her to get better but
don’t want to tell our parents about her
not taking her medication. What should
I do?
A: While the drug manufacturers claim that
antidepressants are not addictive, your
sister’s inconsistent use of her medication
could very well be part of the problem as to
why she continues to have mood swings.
Depending on the type of anti-depressant that
has been prescribed, it can take a minimum of
four weeks before your sister starts to notice
the benefits. Since anti-depressants aren’t
designed to be used for an infinite period of
time, it is very helpful for her to learn specific
tools and strategies for overcoming
depression. Cognitive Therapy — which was
originally developed to treat depression — is
currently one of the most widely researched
and widely practiced models of psychotherapy
in the world today. You may want to
encourage your sister to see a Cognitive
Therapist and to take her medication as
prescribed. If your sister feels that the
antidepressants are not helping (after a
period of taking them regularly), she may
want to discuss this with her doctor.
Check out:
www.mentalhealthresources.ca/special_cognitive.html for a Therapist in your area who is trained
in Cognitive Therapy.
Q:
I think I’m adopted. I feel like my family
and I don’t have anything in common.
My brother is outgoing like my parents but I
am totally different, I like to be left alone and
keep to myself. I don’t like going out much,
which happens to be my family’s idea of ‘family
time together’. But when we’re together in
public they always make fun of how ‘different’
I am, they don’t understand that I don’t have
any interest in the things that they like to do.
Is it normal for me not to feel a connection
with my family? Do you think I should ask
my parents if I’m adopted?
A: It’s actually quite common — especially
as a teen — to go through periods where
you feel a lack of connection with your family.
What’s important is that you continue to
identify your likes and dislikes as part of
developing a healthy sense of self. Regardless
of whether you decide to ask your parents if
you are adopted, tell them how it makes you
feel when they make fun of how you are
different. It’s quite possible that they don’t
realize the impact of their teasing. In the
meantime, you may want to pay closer
attention to some of the more subtle ways
(i.e. certain mannerisms, eye color, body type,
values and beliefs, love of animals and nature,
etc.) that suggest that you actually do have
things in common with different members of
your family.
Q:
I got into a fight in school the
other day and my knuckles are
fried. My parents will kill me if they find
out so I lied and said I got hurt playing
ball. The problem is the guy I had the
fight with keeps coming by our house,
waiting for a chance to finish our fight.
So far, I managed to avoid him but I
know if he comes by another time, there’s
Sometimes, when my mom is talking to me
in front of my friends, she bursts into
baby talk. She’ll call me my baby name or
quote some stupid mispronunciation that I had
when I was younger. Now, my friends tease me
by my baby name. It’s embarrassing, but I
don’t want to be rude to my mom. How do I
tell her to stop?
gonna be a fight. I want to keep my
parents out of this. How can I?
A: Avoiding responsibility will probably
create more problems for you in the
long run. Making responsible choices means
that you have considered the consequences
of your behaviours before acting. It means
speaking the truth to your parents about why
you felt you needed to lie, even if they don’t
completely understand why you got into a
fight. It also means facing this guy (clearly
avoiding him doesn’t make him go away).
While you have some important decisions
ahead of you, keep in mind the fact that we
earn respect from others by proving that we
are able to take responsibility for our
decisions—and our actions. Hopefully you
will find a way to make this situation a more
positive one through your responsibility to
make the best choices for yourself.
Q:
Sometimes, when my mom is talking to me
in front of my friends, she bursts into
baby talk. She’ll call me my baby name or
quote some stupid mispronunciation that I had
when I was younger. Now, my friends tease me
by my baby name. It’s embarrassing, but I
don’t want to be rude to my mom. How do I
tell her to stop?
A: While your friends might
genuinely think that your baby name
is ‘cute,’ you could explain to your mom
that her innocent display of affection has
created an opportunity for your friends to
tease you. Hopefully by doing so, your mom
will understand, and keep her baby talk just
between the two of you.
For more on Dorothy check out www.dorothyratusny.com
