REAL LIFE
From Issue #15
Gossip
Pssst...it can really hurt!
By Ross Marowitz
Some victims are haunted
for years by gossip
All eyes are trained on her these days, but
Alyson Lozoff, Miss Teen Canada, remembers a hurtful
time not long ago when classmates used to turn their
backs on her to engage in gossip.
While Internet chat rooms have increasingly becomean avenue for today’s cyber-bullies, a private all-girls
school hallway was the scene of Alyson’s torment. “It’s
far worse in person, when you walk down the hall and
see four to five girls turn around and whisper,” says
Alyson, an 18-year-old college student in Montreal who
was picked on because of her good looks and athletic
ability. “You just feel like everybody’s talking about
you, and you don’t know what to do about it.”
Alyson made bullying her platform after winning the
national title last June. She visits schools regularly to
conduct workshops on the issue. “I feel (students) can
relate to me more because I’m younger and I have
gone through it not too long ago.”
Alyson says the experience forced her to grow up
faster and develop into a stronger person. But some
victims are haunted for years by the pain inflicted
upon them. Others have committed suicide. A few
months ago two Montreal-area teens committed
suicide after being bullied, including a 17-year-old girl
who hanged herself after being gossiped about on the
Internet. In March 2000 a 14-year-old boy killed himself by jumping from a bridge in New Westminster, B.C.,
after being bullied and teased.
Lori Rubin, co-ordinator of a program that helps teachers
deal with serious behavioural problems among students, says
gossip has become a rampant problem in schools. “It’s a
power trip,” says Lori who is with the English Montreal
school board. “It holds kids hostage.”
Among elementary students, it’s mainly girls who gossip
about other girls, say experts. Students who lack confidence
become easy targets. But gossipers also go after students
who are different from them in some way—such as size,
economic status, clothing, disability, ethnicity or religious
custom. In high school, gossip is often about the opposite
sex, with some of the most hurtful refrains suggesting boys
are gay and girls are promiscuous. “It’s a natural instinct if
you don’t have alternatives,” says Lori.
Caitlin Healiy acknowledges that gossip leads to conflict but
the 14-year-old says it’s an entrenched part of student life.
“In teenager life, it’s in our brain ...that you need to
gossip,” says the Montreal student. Sumeera Aqeel, 14, says
she first noticed gossip among her peers three years ago.
The main topic for chatter was affection for boys.
“Kids are squealers,” she says. “If you tell them something
they tell the whole school.”
Some researchers have argued that gossip is a human
instinct that dates back to the Stone Age. “Its primary
function is to help us make social comparisons,” Jack Levin,
co-author of Gossip: The Inside Scoop, says in Psychology
Today. But Lori says gossiping students mirror the actions of
family and the media. Television and magazines are filled
with celebrity gossip. Reality shows like the Survivor series
are predicated on gossip, alliances and voting people off the island. “That is a reflection of school life,” says Lori.
“It’s scary.”
Tackling the problem early is important, says Aileen Daley,
spokeswoman of Peaceful Schools International. The
charitable group based in Nova Scotia initiated a gossip-free
day (October 17) to get kids thinking about the ill-effects of
rumours and gossip. “Gossip can be the root of a lot of
conflicts in schools,” says Aileen. In Ontario, some Roman
Catholic school boards have tried to use their religious
values in teaching about gossip and bullying. “We use
Catholic values as a signpost,” says John Stadnyk,
superintendent of education at the Huron-Superior Catholic
district school board in Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario. In the
recent Ontario throne speech, the province’s new Liberal
government vowed to introduce an anti-bullying hotline and
develop programs in all provincial schools.
Angela Clark, founder of Intervention SOS, a group that
educates students about bullying, says gossip crushes a
student’s self-esteem and can be more harmful than physical
violence. “If somebody just comes along and punches you,
it’s not touching who you are,” she says. “But when
someone’s crushing inside, touching the personality and
affecting how other people see you... how do you defend
yourself against that?”
If you encounter gossip:
1. Speak out. Tell your friends that gossiping is a waste
of time and no one benefits from it.
2. Turn it around. Say something nice about the person
being talked about.
3. Move on. Walk away and don’t be part of the problem
by sticking around to listen.
READ ABOUT GOSSIP THROUGHOUT THE AGES!
Miss Teen Canada,
Alyson Lozoff (left),
is a survivor of gossip.
