RELATIONSHIPS
From Issue #15
Getting Deep
Your tough questions answered
Q&A with Dr. Dorothy
Q: I’m pretty good at basketball.
Actually, I’m really, really good
and might get a scholarship to an
American university. The problem is,
my mom won’t give me my space. She
comes to every practice and every
game. The only time she’s not with me
is when I’m in the change room. I love
her, but how do I tell her this is MY
time, not hers?
A: It sounds like your mom is your biggest
supporter and fan. If it feels like she
isn’t giving you your space you may want to
ask her (in a gentle way) to tell you her
reasons for why she attends all of your
practices and games. You may be surprised
to hear that her intentions for attending are
quite honourable. You can also remind
yourself that it really is your time when you
are on the court. Being totally focused on
playing the game and being in your ‘zone’ is
a completely personal experience. At the
end of the day, no matter how many people
(including your proud mom) come out to
watch you, it’s ultimately you that has the
potential, and the ability, to make basketball
a professional career.
Q:
I’m ashamed of myself. My little
sister is physically challenged. She was
born with a bone defect in her left leg and
walks with a very noticeable limp. I think she’s
great and everything, but when she starts to
walk she moves like something from a horror
movie—and then I’m embarrassed to be
around her, especially in school. I know this
problem is mine, not hers, but I don’t know
how to deal with it?
A: We all have our own imperfections to
deal with. The only difference is that
your sister ‘carries’ hers where it’s visible to
the outside world. Some examples of the
imperfections that the rest of us keep well
hidden are: low self-esteem, negative
attitudes, dishonesty, envy, ego, hate, and fear. The next time you start to feel
embarrassed about your sister’s physical
challenge, think about your own personal
challenges. What are some of your ‘inner’
imperfections that you would like to change?
Often it’s the things that others can’t see
that hold us back most in life.
Q:
My best friend is not allowed to date,
and I am. So, whenever I come
home from a night out she wants to know
EVERY detail. At first, I didn’t mind,
but now there are things that I want to
keep to myself, and I know she can sense
I’m holding back. I don’t want to lose her
as a friend. What should I do?
A: Your best friend may find it hard at
first to understand that you don’t want
to always reveal every detail. Right now you
also happen to be her best outside
connection to the dating world. I’m sure (if
you put yourself in her shoes for a moment),
that you can appreciate how curious she is.
Hopefully it won’t be too long before she will
be allowed to date, and then the two of you
can have one more thing in common.
Below are some great books that may help
answer many of the questions that your best
friend has.
- Sex, Boys & You: Be Your Own Best
Girlfriend by Joni Arredia
- The Girls' Guide to Guys : Straight Talk for
Teens on Flirting, Dating, Breaking Up,
Making Up & Finding True Love
by Julie Taylor
- The Rules for Teens by Meg Schneider
Q:
My friend is really popular, pretty and
smart. Everything seems to go her way.
The cutest guys ask her out, the teachers
like her, even my parents call her their
adopted daughter. Lately, I find myself wishing
she’d get into an accident and get badly
scarred, and other really mean stuff like that
— even though I still really like her.
Is something wrong with me?
A: Nothing is wrong with you. It just
sounds like you might be forgetting
about how great you are. Appreciate your
friend for who she is. You probably wouldn’t
have chosen to be her friend if she didn’t
have some great qualities. At the same time,
remember your positive attributes—including
the things that you are most proud of, and
the things about yourself that you are good
at. Try creating your own power-list of
positive attributes. Some examples might
include: being good at a certain subject in
school, being a loyal friend, being honest,
being intelligent or caring about the
environment. Focusing on your own great
qualities will help remind you of your own
personal worth.
For more on Dorothy check out www.dorothyratusny.com
