ENTERTAINMENT
From Issue #13
TV Host Sara Cauchon Rants:
My Top Five Back-To-School Nightmares!
by Sara Cauchon
#5: Someone is wearing the same outfit! Now, I know how much time you spent during the summer concocting the perfect ensembles, with all matching accessories, for your first few crucial weeks of school. So, is there anything worse than walking into your homeroom and seeing some other chick (or guy for that matter) sporting your duds (DUDS: meaning clothes)? Yes. If that person looks better in the outfit than you do!
#4: Getting a bad locker location! In ninth grade, not only was I a skinny, ugly, metal-mouthed niner with no friends, but I also got cursed with having a locker in the basement of the school where all the weirdos hung out. You can’t let this happen to you! Your locker should be a social meeting place for you and all your many friends. Central location is an absolute necessity. Trade, barter, bribe—do whatever it takes, just make it happen.
#3: The schedule from Hell! So, I guess it’s no big deal that you’re scheduled to finish gym at 9:55 a.m. and that math class starts at 10:00 a.m. at the other end of the school. You really enjoy that raunchy, nacho cheese odour that seeps through your pores when you don’t have time to shower between gym and your other classes. Didn’t think so! There is nothing cool about ranky pits, especially not if you’re sitting next to me. Iron out those scheduling problems immediately: they can be devastating—to yourself and others.
#2: That CUTE couple! Get a room! You know that couple at the beginning of every school year that insists on sucking on each other’s faces at every opportunity just to remind you of how pathetically lonely you really are. Can someone pass me a tranquilizer? I’d like to put these two out of my misery. If you are that couple, I’m starting group therapy called PDAA (Public Displays of Affection Anonymous) and I think I can help you.
And finally, my number one Back-to-School Nightmare:
#1: The NEW GIRL! Curse her! She’s perky, she’s gorgeous, she’s brilliant, she’s got a b-cup and she will ruin any chance of you ever having a normal love life! Why is it that every year there is at least one demon new girl sent down to make our lives miserable? It’s not her fault she’s perfect, she was born that way. I truly think it’s just one, big, cruel joke and that everyone is laughing at me. Where do they find these new girls anyways? Do they grow somewhere? Can I subscribe and get my very own New Girl? And most importantly, how do I get rid of her (and her perfect complexion)?
That’s the way I see it.
:-)
Sara Cauchon is a popular TV host on a numerous shows including GirlzTV, Rooms That Rock, Global News. And one of our friends, Sara has joined Faze on exciting trips to places like San Diego and Tobago!!!
