RELATIONSHIPS
From Issue #13
Getting Deep
Your tough questions answered
Q&A with Dr. Dorothy
Q:
Lately my 38-year-old mom has been dressing…well…like
a skank! I don’t know what’s come over her. I’m
really embarrassed to have my friends over now. Should I say something
to her or hope she’s just going through a phase?
A: I would imagine that there’s a very good reason why your
mom is dressing this way, and more than likely she’s feeling
good about her new look. If you want to speak to her about it,
you should be as diplomatic as possible. Being that it’s
your mom, you don’t exactly have any control over how
she dresses, but asking her what provoked the change might help
you to see things from her perspective. Unfortunately, many
women buy into the societal pressure of thinking that they should
always look youthful. Maybe with some positive suggestions from
you as her ‘wardrobe consultant,’ your mom may be
able to achieve a better image for herself.
Q:
I'm pretty sure my friend has a serious eating disorder.
I've mentioned that she's been losing a lot of weight and she
just shrugs it off. What should I do?I
A: The best thing you could do for your friend is to be there for
her. Let her know that you are concerned for her and that she
can come and talk to you (confidentially) at any time. As much
as you want to help her, unfortunately, your friend has to want
to receive your help. If she does have an eating disorder, you
will probably come to know about it sooner or later because
of the amount of time the two of you spend with each other.
If she does confide in you, encourage her to see a nutritionist
in order to draw up a ‘healthy’ eating regime. People
who develop eating disorders tend to have negative body image
and poor self-esteem, so your friend may also want to seek out
a counselor to talk about what may be bothering her and to support
her in overcoming the eating disorder.
Your friend can obtain a referral to see a Nutritionist from
her family doctor. Alternatively, she may want to check out
the information on eating disorders at www.kidshelp.sympatico.ca,
or speak to one of their counselors at 1-800-668-6868.
Q:
Is it possible to become claustrophobic overnight?
Lately, I feel really uncomfortable in small, closed up spaces
like the girls’ bathroom or the change room in school. It’s
getting really bad. I feel like I’m going to panic and scream
or something if I don’t hurry up and get out. Is this normal?
A: It is not likely that you have become claustrophobic overnight.
It does, however, sound like you are experiencing what may be
an anxiety attack. Some people when feeling very anxious, have
sensations whereby they feel like thing are ‘closing in
on them’ or that they can’t breathe in small closed-in
spaces. Make a note of what has been going on in your life recently
that may be causing you to feel this way. More importantly,
pay close attention to what thoughts are running through your
head immediately prior to feeling panicky and uncomfortable
in small closed up spaces. Your thoughts are a good indicator
of your present mood state so noticing your thoughts will give
you some important information as to why you are feeling the
need to run from the bathroom, change room, or other small spaces.
When you begin to feel panicked there are also some really effective
breathing techniques that you can use to help you calm yourself
down and alleviate the feelings of anxiety.
Check out this site for more information on self-guided relaxation
techniques.
www.healthy.net
Q:
My parents are constantly comparing me to my older
brother who is smart and good at sports. It’s driving me
crazy. I know it’s not his fault but I’m starting
to resent him. What should I do?
A: You are certainly not the first person to experience this ‘comparison’
problem with an older sibling. Parents tend to compare their
children to each other even though I’m sure they realize
that no two children are equal. Your parents will probably feel
badly when you point out that by comparing you to your older
brother who is smart and good at sports, you end up feeling:
(a) hurt and ‘not as good as’ he is, and (b) resentful
rather than excited by your brother’s accomplishments.
Ask your parents to focus on what each of you do well, and remind
them whenever they tend to fall back into old habits. Your parents
probably don’t realize that they are making you resent
your brother.
For more on Dorothy check out www.dorothyratusny.com
