Q:
I
am 18-years-old and I have been with my boyfriend for just over
a year. I love him a lot but lately we have been talking about
sex. He is beginning to put more pressure on me to have sex
with him. But I don’t want to do it right now. I tell
him I want wait a little longer and he keeps getting angry with
me when I tell him I want to wait a little longer. I don’t
want him to keep getting mad at me, what should I do?
A:
Ideally
your first experience of sex is one that you want to feel ready
for. Your ‘first’ experience of anything often sets
the stage for how you continue to perceive that experience —
so it’s important that you create a positive ‘first’
sexual experience. Explain to your boyfriend your reasons for
wanting to wait and ask that he respect your decision. Ultimately,
you don’t have any control over whether you boyfriend
will get mad with you or not. If he loves you a lot, he will
respect what is ‘right’ for you and not continue
to put more pressure on you. If he continues to get mad —
take a hard look at that behavior — because what he is
essentially doing is putting his wants and needs before yours.
Q:
I am 14-years-old and about a week ago my mother caught me smoking
with some friends. I told her it wasn’t my friends fault
but she doesn’t believe me because she doesn’t like
my group of friends. Now she won’t let me go anywhere
with them because she doesn’t trust them or me. They’re
really good friends and I promised my mom I would never do it
again. What can I do to regain my mother’s trust so that
she will let me hang out with my friends again?
A:
Regaining trust takes time. You can start by sticking to your
word on everything that you say and being patient with your
Mom. Ultimately it was your choice to smoke, so hopefully your
Mom will realize that you are in control of what you do and
not your friends.
Q:
I am a 15-years-old and I find myself ditching school a few
times a week because I am being severely bullied. When I do
attend school, I am a quiet person with a small group of friends
and we all do okay in school. We also have a lot of fun together.
The girl who bullies me threatens and teases me constantly every
time I answer a question in class or hand in my homework. The
bullying is so bad that she’s threatened to put me in
the hospital and has even gone so far as to threaten to kill
me. I don’t know what I did to this girl. I am afraid
to tell my parents because I don’t want them to move me
away from the school and my friends, what should I do?
A:
Bullying is not acceptable behavior. The first step is to let
someone know that it is happening to you. Your teacher or another
teacher who you feel comfortable with would be the best person
to speak to if you are afraid to share this with your parents.
Your teachers are there to help you and they can address the
issue appropriately. You need to be really honest with your
teacher(s) about how severe the bullying has become. The next
step is to do your best to continue on with your life. Missing
school — although it is a temporary solution, only hurts
you in the end. Being at school and being ‘strong’
on the outside to any comments or threats sends a message that
you aren’t going to be a victim of this behavior. Wherever
possible, ignore the comments and do your best to not personalize
them. Bullies are people who feed off of the power that comes
from positioning themselves over someone else. Do your best
to keep your ‘power’ by staying strong and remembering
that this isn’t about you — but rather, about someone
else’s need to make themselves feel better at the expense
of another.
Q:
I am 15-years-old and a few years ago my parents split up. It
was unexpected and I was devastated. Now I hardly see my dad
and when I do it’s always for a short period of time.
A lot of times I think about what it would my life would be
like if my parents got back together. I have lost focus in school
and my grades are slipping. I don’t feel like hanging
out with my friends anymore or even doing fun social activities.
What can I do to get over my parents divorce and stop it from
ruining my life?
A:
As much as your parent’s divorce
has affected your life, it only continues to ‘ruin’
things as long as you think about what your life would be like
if they were together. Thinking about what is likely improbable
only makes you feel depressed and hopeless. This clearly affects
your life in a negative way. Start to think about what things
are good in your life. Pay attention to how it feels to look
at what is positive and notice what starts to happen. Getting
involved in your life again — seeing friends and doing
all of the activities that you used to do — will help
you to focus on your life and have some fun again. Ultimately
your parents wouldn’t want your life to be ‘ruined’
because of a decision that they made.
Q:
I am 18-years-old and I have a friend of mine who is constantly
talking about me to my other friends. I don’t like it
but I am also not a person who likes confrontation. She has
attitude and if I confront her she will automatically get really
defensive and say mean things. How can I approach her to tell
her I am hurt by the things she says about me without causing
a huge argument?
A: This doesn’t
sound like a true friend. Be straight with her and ask her to
please stop. Explain how you are hurt by using an “I”
statement. I.e. I feel _________ when you talk about me to my
other friends. After you speak to her, all you can do is hope
that she will listen. Beyond that, you may need to rethink how
much of your time you spend with this person.
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