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ISSUE #36 Q & A
In every issue of FAZE MAGAZINE,
our readers bare their souls to
Ed & Red, Canada's high priest and priestess of morality, etiquette and, especially, common sense. Here are Ed & Red's unfettered and heartfelt replies.
Send your own questions to ed@faze.ca and hopefully Ed & Red will be able to answer you in an upcoming issue of FAZE.
Faze Reader:
I just started dating this guy and realized this week that he kisses me with his eyes open—like, 100% open and staring RIGHT at me—and it totally ruins the moment. I KNOW IT’S HARD TO BREAK HABITS, SO IS THIS A RELATIONSHIP DEAL-BREAKER OR SHOULD I JUST ASK HIM NOT TO DO IT?
RED:
I think it’s fairly common sense that if you’re considering breaking up with him over this, asking him not to do it is the correct course of action. Be gentle though: this is a sensitive subject.
ED:
Can I point out that the only way you found out his eyes were open was because yours were open too? Maybe you should break up with him, to save him from going out with someone who would break up with him over something so stupid.
Faze Reader:
It’s almost summer and all my friends are making plans for the warm weather—like beach days, road trips, lots of fun stuff. But now my parents are telling me that I have to get a summer job. I told them there was no point because we have enough money, and they keep insisting it will teach me RESPONSIBILITY (I’m going to puke if I hear that word one more time). WHAT RESPONSIBILITY COULD I POSSIBLY LEARN FROM FLIPPING BURGERS AT SOME COCKROACH-INFESTED DIVE OF A PLACE WHILE MY FRIENDS ARE OUTSIDE ENJOYING THE SUN?!?!
ED:
Interesting you should mention puking, because that’s what I am about to do from reading your letter. “We” do not “have enough money,” your parents have money. You have nothing, and with that spoiled brat entitlement attitude of yours, you’re going to wind up with nothing too. What you will learn from flipping burgers is that we don’t have royalty in this country and you are not a princess. You need an attitude adjustment, and fast. And I don’t know where you buy your burgers, but if they have cockroaches, I’d suggest a call to the Health Department.
RED:
… seriously? You have to be told this? Your parents might be right. If you’re responsible enough that you don’t need the job, you’d be responsible enough to see the lesson your parents are trying to teach you: delayed gratification. (You’re probably going to puke at the big word too, right?)
Faze Reader:
My older sister is a little...well...chunky, and she keeps complaining about her weight—and whenever she does, we (my mom, my dad and me) always reassure her that she’s just fine the way she is. But then I see her eating pizza and fries and stuff that I know is not going to help things. I’m wondering if I should tell her the truth, and then she might just stop complaining and actually do something about the problem. SO HOW SHOULD I SAY IT?
RED:
Through most of my teen years, I thought I was fat. Compared to my friends, I was fat. Unfortunately, we were all competitive dancers and all underweight. “Fat” to a fashionista, and “fat” to a doctor are about 30 lbs apart, so before you start judging everything your sister puts in her mouth, stop and think about what you’re doing. Otherwise, all you’re really judging is how she looks in jeans, not what she’s doing to her health.
ED:
Her diet sucks, not just for weight issues, but for general health, so talk to her about her diet from a health perspective and don’t even mention the connection to her weight. She isn’t stupid; she’ll make the connection herself. Or she is stupid, but even so, she still has to consider a meal plan that doesn’t come out of a striped bucket.
Faze Reader:
MY DAD AND I HAD A REALLY GREAT AND CLOSE RELATIONSHIP, but then I started seeing this guy (off and on) and suddenly my dad, like, doesn’t approve and just completely avoids me sometimes. All because my semi-BF just got out of jail for minor theft and one DUI. But my dad’s always told me that people deserve a second chance, so why does he have to be such a hypocrite now?
RED:
Because he’s worried about you. He’s not handling it properly, and I feel for you because of that, but if my daughter was dating—and getting into a car with—someone with a history of making bad choices behind the wheel, I’d be stressed. Second chances are a tricky thing: what most people consider a second chance is actually a second entitlement. Being this guy’s friend is noble. Being his girlfriend might not be so smart. And if he’s committed both theft and DUI, this isn’t a second chance: it’s a third. Your dad doesn’t want to see the daughter that he loves get hurt or drawn into something where she’ll end up with a criminal record.
ED:
What, do you live on an island where there are 100 girls for every guy? If boys aren’t scarce, why are you choosing this character? Okay, I’m sure he’s “nice,” but so are a ton of other guys without a rap sheet. Listen to yourself... “minor theft and one DUI.” Consider this comparison— most men go through their entire life committing NO thefts and NO DUIs. I’m with your father. Second chances are great, but naiveté isn’t.
Look out for Ed's compilation CD!
Featuring "songs that don't suck"
(With tracks from Sum 41, Swollen Members, Gob, Bif Naked, LiveOnRelease and more)
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