ISSUE #31 Q & A
In every issue of FAZE MAGAZINE,
our readers bare their souls to
Ed & Red, Canada's high priest and priestess of morality, etiquette and, especially, common sense.
Here are Ed & Red's unfettered and heartfelt replies.
Send your own questions to email@example.com and hopefully Ed & Red will be able to answer you in an upcoming issue of FAZE.
This is getting way out of hand: all you hear now is green
this, green that, green clothes, green cars, GREEN DOGGIE
POOP BAGS…You want to know what I think of when I hear
green now? Green McVomit. Seriously, I don’t get it. Nobody
is going to change the world by “going green”—they’re just
being trendy. But when are the green-coloured glasses going
to come off?!?! Soon, right?
Hey, I’m the fi rst guy to be sceptical whenever
anything becomes too popular. Remember, nothing
draws more fl ies than a steaming turd. But in the
category of using powers for good and not evil, I’d
rather people be drawn to caring about pollution than Lindsay
Lohan’s next liplock. Who knows if we can save the world by
“going green”, but it’s a better use of energy than lining up to see
Well, climate change is a pretty
major problem. You’re right, however, that
things have become too gimmicky, and that there are
a lot of false “green” claims to market products. The
trick is to fi gure out what’s legit, and that can be tough. Most of
the real deal is common sense and moderation, so, yeah, I would
question the benefi t of green doggie poop bags, but educating
yourself on energy alternatives to oil and ways to reduce garbage
are worthwhile endeavours.
My best friend, who is only 18 and still in high school, is so
sure she has met her “soul-mate” (roll my eyes and gag
a bit), and she is already looking at wedding magazines and
asking me to be her MOH. They’ve only been dating for six
months!!! How do I snap her back to reality, so she can just
date this guy like a normal girl and quit all this high school
sweethearts, happily-ever-after crap?
What are you worrying for? High school
romances have the life expectancy
of a fruit fly. After it hits the skids, make sure
you tell her “I told you so,” so next time she’ll think
twice about bugging you with this crap.
Ugh. Well, congratulations: you’re more grounded
than your best friend. It sounds like she’s more
interested in the “playing princess” elements of a
wedding than the responsibilities it entails. There
are other ways to be girly that don’t cost that much money, and
getting married is one of the biggest decisions you’ll ever make.
And if she hasn’t seen him on the toilet yet, she shouldn’t even
THINK about marrying him! It’s gross, but it’s true!
My boyfriend insists on always driving around in his parent’s
massive Lincoln Navigator—to go to a friend’s house, to run
errands, even to the corner store—which is literally around
the corner! What can I do to make him realize that he is
unnecessarily POLLUTING THE AIR THAT HIS GIRLFRIEND
BREATHES? Even more, how can I continue to
date someone who clearly has so little regard for others?
You can’t. Unless he’s me. But my
lack of regard for others is founded in
their stupidity. They earned it.
It certainly sounds like the two of you have very
different priorities. Sounds like he’s trying to
impress you (and everyone else) and getting it really
wrong. Then again, he could just be late to the
understanding that giant SUVs aren’t cool anymore. Either way,
he’s acting like a dork. I’m assuming you’ve told him straight up
that it bothers you, and that hasn’t stopped his posturing, so not
only is he not respecting the environment, but he’s not respecting
you, and that will affect things between you in more direct ways
down the road.
There’s this teacher in my school that everyone hates. He
yells at people for no reason, has like a million pop quizzes
per semester and always seems happy (like I just-knew-youwere-
stupid smirking-happy) when you don’t know the answer
to his questions in class. Last week, he even made some girl
cry. So, for a little revenge, some of us got together and toiletpapered
his house, wrapped his car in plastic wrap and had
10 PIZZAS DELIVERED TO HIS HOUSE. It was so funny.
My sister says I’m mean for helping, but he deserved it, right?
I’m not sure...was it 2-ply?
I don’t know about mean, but you are risking
getting charged with vandalism if you’re caught.
Furthermore, the pizzas cost the company that
delivered them money, and the toilet paper and
plastic wrap damage the environment and create waste.
Look out for Ed's compilation CD!
Featuring "songs that don't suck"
(With tracks from Sum 41, Swollen Members, Gob, Bif Naked, LiveOnRelease and more)