Comment Below
E-Mail E-Mail Print Print Facebook Facebook Twitter Twitter Reprints Reprints



Ask Ed & Red

Ed The Sock And His Gal Red
In every issue of FAZE MAGAZINE,
our readers bare their souls to
Ed & Red, Canada's high priest and priestess of morality, etiquette and, especially, common sense. Here are Ed & Red's unfettered and heartfelt replies.

Send your own questions to ed@faze.ca and hopefully Ed & Red will be able to answer you in an upcoming issue of FAZE.

ISSUE #30 Q & A

Faze Reader:
You guys have got to help. My friend has gone Twilight crazy. It’s the book series about this vampire Edward who falls in love with a human teenager named Bella. All she talks about is how perfect he is, and that she’s going to find someone just like him to marry. Now she says she’s gonna sneak behind her parent’s back and get an I Love Edward tattoo! How can I stop her?
ED:
Well, if the tattoo was referring to me, I’d approve, because she’ll never stop loving me from afar. But a tattoo for a character in a drippy emo book? Instant mistake. If she did this when she was younger, she may have had Curious George put on her thigh. Hmm, bad example.
Your friend needs more than being blocked from bad body art—she needs a life. Introduce her to some real people, so she doesn’t spend her time worshipping imaginary friends. Do it now, before she is irrevocably doomed to a lonely life, writing bad fanfiction on the net.
RED:
Vampires were trendy when I was in high school too. Back then it was the Anne Rice books. The idea of a powerful immortal falling for a formerly unpopular teenager is really comforting to someone who feels lonely. It’s a nice thought that can get you through some rough spots, and the teen years are some of the hardest of your life; I’m all for things that help to get someone through it. But tattoos cross the line, because they’re permanent, so I understand why you’re concerned.
Fortunately, you’re in luck about the tattoo: no good shop will tattoo anyone under 18 without parental consent, and they know how to tell if an ID is fake. Wanting the tattoo is just an exciting, romantic and rebellious idea your friend has.


Faze Reader:
What is wrong with people? They’re liars! They say they appreciate the truth, but can’t stand it when I give it to them. I have no problem telling someone they’re ugly, fat or stupid, but of course, they end up hating me for it. My sister says I need to tone it down, but why should I? The truth shall set you free, right!?
ED:
Well, you’ve learned a major life lesson: people are liars. If that bothers you, don’t ever work in TV. But spouting harsh truths doesn’t make you a better person than a liar. It makes you a jerk...or a sock puppet TV star. But there’s only one of me, so that makes you a jerk.
RED:
Yes, the truth shall set you free, but free to do what? In your case, it seems to set you free to be universally reviled. If you say insulting things to people, even if you think they’re true, an insult is an insult, especially regarding things like looks. And ugly is a subjective thing.
ED:
Well, some is. Some ugly is just plain UGLY. Also, no fat person on the planet needs to be told they’re fat. They buy the stretch pants. They know. So you’re not performing a public service by shouting it out.
RED:
How often do you say positive things to people as well? How often are you handing out compliments? If what you’re saying is a steady stream of negativity, people figure that out quickly. You’re not being honest. You’re being nasty. Your sister is right.
ED:
There’s an old saying—“a truth that’s told with bad intent beats all the lies you can invent.” Think about that. And the one about people in glass houses.


Faze Reader:
I have a friend who is soo uptight. We’re both 16 but she acts like she’s 10. She won’t smoke or even have a sip of alcohol. I told her that I’ll stop being her friend if she doesn’t lighten up and try at least one of them by the end of this year. She needs to grow up! Am I being too tough on her? Should I give her til the end of the school year next June?
ED:
You won’t be her friend anymore? You’re not her friend now! Plus, being grown-up doesn’t involve doing something to be “cool;” it’s about making your own decisions—which she is doing. Agreed—you’re the one who needs to grow up, but you may not... smoking stunts your growth, among other things.
RED:
I haven’t smoked a cigarette in my life and I had friends who had a half-pack a day when they were sixteen. If your definition of friendship involves experimentation or else, then she’s better off without you. You’re the one who needs to grow up.


Look out for Ed's compilation CD!
Featuring "songs that don't suck"
(With tracks from Sum 41, Swollen Members, Gob, Bif Naked, LiveOnRelease and more)




Follow Faze on Twitter @FazeMagazine





ADVERTISEMENT
0

FacebookFaze on Facebook
0
Twitter Feed

twitter.com/FazeMagazine

0Faze Contests
0CONTESTS!

00
0More Great Articles

ADVERTISEMENT