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Ask Ed & Red

Ed The Sock And His Gal Red
In every issue of FAZE MAGAZINE,
our readers bare their souls to
Ed & Red, Canada's high priest and priestess of morality, etiquette and, especially, common sense. Here are Ed & Red's unfettered and heartfelt replies.

Send your own questions to ed@faze.ca and hopefully Ed & Red will be able to answer you in an upcoming issue of FAZE.

ISSUE #28 Q & A

Faze Reader:
This guy I was dating broke up with me when he found out he was moving. Now he goes around saying bad things about me. But he told my friend he only does that to make me hate him so I won’t miss him. Should I be hating him?
ED:
I thought he was moving. Out of sight; out of mind. Let him go. But he actually did you a favour by breaking up, and not forcing you into enduring one of those long-distance relationships that never work. Plus, he’s a jackass.
RED:
Hate is a waste of time and gossip has a way of making you see red (and not the good kind of red, like me). At any rate, this sounds like a bad situation that you don’t want anything to do with. There are too many great guys out there to waste your time on someone who is, at best, playing games, and at worst, trash talking you for his own ego. Move on, be strong, and forget about this guy.


Faze Reader:
My problem is that a nerd in my class likes me, but I don’t like him. I don’t want to go up to him and yell in his face, “I don’t like you!” I just want to say it to him in a nice way. What should I do?
ED:
If he’s true to “nerd” form, he probably hasn’t said two words to you. You just want to make a scene to make yourself feel superior. You aren’t, so don’t. This “nerd” may not be someone you value in your current shallow thirst for acceptance, but ever heard of Bill Gates? I doubt he was captain of the high school football team.
RED:
Nerds are people too. We have feelings. You’re probably embarrassed because he’s not “cool”, and he may even really get on your nerves. But yelling it in his face and humiliating him…that’s not even close to cool. If his behaviour makes you uncomfortable, you have the right to tell him that, privately and compassionately. Otherwise, I’d just be flattered by the attention and go about your life. Your life is not over because the person who thinks you’re great isn’t part of the “in” crowd.


Faze Reader:
I’m really into this guy and I told everyone I would do anything to be his girlfriend. His friend told me that he likes to see girls make out and that if I made out with my friend in front of him, he’d go out with me. Should I? (I’m not into girls.)
ED:
You’re not into girls, but apparently you are into creeps. Few deep, caring relationships begin with forced faux-lesbian lip locks. What this guy wants is degrading. Find another jerk.
RED:
Uh…no. If that’s all he sees in you, NEXT!


Faze Reader:
I’ve never been a girly girl. I like to let it rip if I feel the need, I burp when I have to, and I spit whenever I want. My friends have always called me gross and stuff, but lately I wonder if they mean it. It bothers me that they want me to change who I am. Should I drop them as friends?
ED:
I’m a guy, so criticizing you for flatulence would be hypocritical. As someone who has endured long car rides with me after the Taco Bell drive-through, I’ll let Red answer this one.
RED:
I, too, have never been much of a girly girl. But as you get older, you discover that there are appropriate behaviours for various situations. When you’re casual and just hanging out, fart until the windows fog up. In the working world, however, it will limit your prospects if you’re horking a wad in the executive bathroom. I’d like to say that farts shouldn’t come between friends, but this one actually stumps me. I guess if you want the right to belch the national anthem if you feel like it, your friends should have the right to be honest about when it bothers them. (By the way, can you do those weird armpit noises? ’Cuz I could never master that.)


Look out for Ed's compilation CD!
Featuring "songs that don't suck"
(With tracks from Sum 41, Swollen Members, Gob, Bif Naked, LiveOnRelease and more)




Follow Faze on Twitter @FazeMagazine





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