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In every issue of FAZE MAGAZINE,
our readers bare their souls to
Ed & Red, Canada's high priest and priestess of morality, etiquette and, especially, common sense.
Here are Ed & Red's unfettered and heartfelt replies.
Send your own questions to ed@faze.ca and hopefully Ed & Red will be able to answer you in an upcoming issue of FAZE.
ISSUE #20 Q & A
Faze Reader:
I love my best friend,
but she gets really fierce
when it comes to guys. If we
spot a bunch of good-looking
guys, she always makes her
claim on the hottie and will
get in my way if I am talking
to a cute guy. I’ve told her to
back off, but she thinks I am
joking. What to do?
ED REPLIES:
Well, you could try a Taser
gun or pepper spray, but I think
those are only legal for law enforcement
officers. You say she thinks you’re joking.
Have you ever told her that YOU’RE NOT
JOKING? Try it. If it’s any consolation, few
guys like a girl that is that pushy and
needy for attention. She may be
helping you by providing a
contrast. Never know.
Faze Reader:
I have hormonal
acne and I am a guy,
which means this
won’t go away till I
am in my 20s. Am I
doomed till then?
Chicks don’t dig zits,
do they?
ED REPLIES:
Chicks, unlike dudes, aren’t as fixated
on looks. Besides, thanks to a relentless campaign
by the media and advertising community that destroys
girls’ self-esteem, you’ll find many girls will respond well
to someone treating them with respect and dignity. Your
challenge is in not defining yourself by your zits. If
you can see past your acne, you’ll find
others can, too.
Faze Reader:
My friend is a total perfectionist. She's always trying to
correct my stuff and tell me how to “better my work,” whether it's
homework or even talking to other people. I can't stand it anymore
because she can't take any criticism but is always dishing it out.
ED REPLIES:
Again, I would refer to the Taser or pepper spray, but they
aren’t legal. To be honest, there’s very little you can do but learn to listen with
one ear. She can’t take criticism because she is already her own worst critic, like
all perfectionists. She really thinks she is trying to help you. You can try telling her, in a
non-judgmental way, that you either don’t want her advice or would like it phrased in a
less demanding way. But honestly, my experience with perfectionists tells me you
should just learn to politely ignore her outbursts, like you would a
fart in an elevator full of strangers.
Faze Reader:
What are some of the
albums you are listening to this
summer?
ED REPLIES:
Who cares? Honestly, who
gives a rat’s hindquarters what I am listening
to? Maybe you are looking for me to recommend
something you might like. Know what? Forget it. Music
gets marketed well enough. I’d rather recommend
something for you to read – you know, books? If I
knew what your interests were, I’d do just that.
Music is fine as brain candy. But for a real
meal deal – read something!
Faze Reader:
My sister
tells me I should
invest in some
makeup to look
cute. I am
totally not like
her. I hate high
heels and all
that, but does
this mean no
guy is ever
going to ask
me out?
ED REPLIES:
I hope you’re really
young, because if you’re not,
then you’re naïve, bordering on
stupid. Guys don’t date makeup
(though some may privately wear some).
If you’re the kind of girl who isn’t into
excessive superficiality, then by being
yourself, you’ll attract a guy who shares
your down-to-earth vibe. Let your
sister smear on her war paint;
you do what makes you
comfortable.
Faze Reader:
I am a caring, sensitive kinda guy who is afraid to ask out
the leader of the cheerleading team. (She really is hot!) Do jocks
have first dibs on the cheerleaders? Do I stand a chance in hell?
ED REPLIES:
Like most people older than you, let me answer your
question with a story. I have spent the last several spring breaks in
Florida with thousands of college kids. It’s a meat market — girls in bikinis and
guys hoping to get with the girls in the bikinis. Muscled guys flex on the beach,
funnel beer, pose and preen, all to get the girls’ attention. But you know what? In all
the years I‘ve been there, the only guys I’ve seen get any serious female attention
were the slim-to-average built ones, NOT the muscleheads. Seems women might
like to look at himbos, but they don’t want to talk to them.
So the answer is yes, you do have a chance. Just don’t
be an idiot about it.
Faze Reader:
I have caught my younger
brother, aged 13, peeping into my
room when my friends are over.
Is this an early sign of a peeping
Tom? Should I tell my parents?
ED REPLIES:
Depends. Are you and
your friends naked? If not, I
wouldn’t worry. Younger siblings
are always curious about the lives
of older brothers or sisters. Maybe
you should invite him in a couple of
times. Once he sees how boring you
and your friends really are, the
mystery will be gone and he
can go back to playing
video games.
Look out for Ed's compilation CD!
Featuring "songs that don't suck"
(With tracks from Sum 41, Swollen Members, Gob, Bif Naked, LiveOnRelease and more)
Follow Faze on Twitter @FazeMagazine
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