ISSUE #17 Q & A
In every issue of FAZE MAGAZINE,
our readers bare their souls to
Ed & Red, Canada's high priest and priestess of morality, etiquette and, especially, common sense.
Here are Ed & Red's unfettered and heartfelt replies.
Send your own questions to email@example.com and hopefully Ed & Red will be able to answer you in an upcoming issue of FAZE.
My dad is obsessed with pizza! All he ever does is eat pizza.
Whenever my mom goes out to dinner with friends or to a movie he
orders at least three large deluxe pizzas! He threatens me and tells
me not to tell my mom because she’ll never leave the house again!
How can I let my mom know about my dad's stupid obsession?
Is this a real question or did someone mix-up a plot
synopsis for a Simpson’s episode? He orders three large deluxe
pizzas on a regular basis? Unless he has a colony of tapeworms
your mother will find out soon enough when there’s no
longer room for two in their bed.
My boyfriend broke
off with me after a few
months. But the problem
is I can never get him off
my mind — every song I
listen to, every time I’m
sitting on the bus or
lying in bed. I’m in love
with him but I’ve realized
love really hurts. Is this
what guys do, push away
then come back?
Well, they can only come back if you let
them. And if you let them, they will always push
away and come back because you’re providing a safe
place to return to. I don’t know how fresh this break-up is but
trust me, it gets easier. I know, I know, everyone says that, but
they don’t understand. Yeah, trust me, we do. First thing you need
to do is stop telling yourself how much you miss him, because
you’re just brainwashing yourself. Tough as it is, you’re better
off being free to find somebody who will return your
feelings, and not shackled to the memory of
some moron who can’t appreciate
An ex-friend of
mine has been
blackmailing me with
a personal secret that
could ruin me if it ever
got out. He keeps
telling me he won't tell
as long as I keep
giving him money for
smokes. I can't take it
anymore. I want to
give him a piece of my
mind but I’m afraid
that he will expose
me, what should I do?
Well — hard to say
without knowing your secret,
but then it wouldn’t be a secret
anymore. You need to ask yourself a
few questions: is this really that bad a
secret? Will it really “ruin you” or are you
being a teenage drama queen? Is keeping
the secret worth letting this creep have
power over you? Okay, let’s say the secret
really is serious. The person who is blackmailing
you is an ex-friend. Couldn’t you
just deny it and say this person is just
trying to get back at you because
you’re no longer friends? Seems
plausible to me. Unless
there are pictures.
My boyfriend never wants to spend anytime alone with me.
Every time we have plans to go out he invites his buddies to come
out with us. I’m starting to feel like maybe he doesn’t care about
me, should I confront him about it?
Well, despite what idiots like Dr. Phil might tell you,
“confronting” someone is never a good idea. The last thing you
want to do is make someone feel they need to defend themselves —
you’ll usually get them to say things they don’t really mean and you don’t
want to hear. There could be lots of reasons why he is too insecure to be
alone, including his fear that you’ll jump him and he won’t know what to
do. Just talk to him, tell him how you feel, and don’t make any
demands. And don’t jump him. At least, not at
me and telling me
he likes me. I told
him I don’t want
to be more than
“just friends” but
he won’t listen.
What can I do?
Ignore him, or is
that too harsh?
No, that’s not too harsh. What’s harsh is
this guy continuing to put the moves on you after
you’ve said no. So you can either ignore him, or go out
with him and act like every guy’s worst nightmare so
he’ll stop craving your time as a girlfriend.
But that’s a touch too much like a sitcom
answer. But you decide.
pretty girl walks by,
my boyfriend’s eyes
bulge out of his head.
I’m tired of his roving
eye. Should I give him
an ultimatum to stop
this behaviour or
should I just let it go?
Well, if he’s a young guy, he’s
probably just posturing to show that he’s a
red-blooded Canadian male. It is part of the bad
cultural programming guys get that the media seems
to ignore. Best way to deal with it is to ogle the guys as
often as he does the girls. If he calls you on it, ask him
how it makes him feel, and how he thinks it makes you
feel when he does the same sort of thing. And if he
still doesn’t get it, dump him and find
someone closer to being an adult.
Ed's compilation CD, Featuring "songs that don't suck"
(With tracks from Sum 41, Swollen Members, Gob, Bif Naked, LiveOnRelease and more)
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