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In every issue of FAZE MAGAZINE,
our readers bare their souls to
Ed & Red, Canada's high priest and priestess of morality, etiquette and, especially, common sense.
Here are Ed & Red's unfettered and heartfelt replies.
Send your own questions to ed@faze.ca and hopefully Ed & Red will be able to answer you in an upcoming issue of FAZE.
ISSUE #11 Q & A
Faze Reader:
My girlfriend says she loves me and would do anything
for me. I'm really into her but her nose has got
to go! She says she'll get a nose job if I pay for half. I
kinda don't mind but what if we break up? I don't want
to pay for what someone else might benefit from.
Should I pay for half but make her promise to pay me
back if we break up?
ED REPLIES:
Are you for real? I only ask because I can't believe anyone
as stupid as you can actually express thoughts on
paper. You don't have the slightest idea of what being
in a relationship requires: respect. Any guy who would
want his girlfriend to undergo unnecessary surgery is a
selfish lout, and likely less concerned about her appearance
than what people will think of him because of her
appearance. And by the way, surgery might change her
nose, but no surgery will change your lousy attitude.
Faze Reader:
My friend says he doesn't care if he fails high school
because he plans on becoming a drug dealer. I'm serious.
He says he'll never get caught because the cops
are useless. What do you think?
ED REPLIES:
I think there's a good reason for your friend to fail high
school—he's an idiot. And by the way, the prisons are
full of people who thought they'd never get caught and
that the cops are useless. Guess they were wrong, huh?
Faze Reader:
My boyfriend has broken up with me four times. I
know he still cares about his last girlfriend but he says
that has nothing to do with it. When he wants to break
up he says something lame like, "It's just not working."
I love him so I keep going back with him but I'm
tired of him breaking up with me for no good reason.
What should I do?
ED REPLIES:
Um...do you know why he's broken up with you four
times? Because you took him back three times. Sounds
to me like you're just a convenient pit stop for him
between relationships. Do yourself and your self-esteem
a favour and stop being this guy's drive-thru window.
Faze Reader:
This kid just transferred to our school and he speaks
with a pretty bad lisp. He doesn't have any friends and
people are kinda cruel and make fun of him—and he
knows it. I feel really bad for him and wish they'd stop
but I don't want to say anything in case they start
picking on me. What should I do?
ED REPLIES:
Depends - do you want to be a snivelling coward your
whole life, or start growing up? Every new person at
school faces ostracism, because lots of teenagers are
insecure little pukes who make themselves feel better by
bashing those who are defenceless. And this poor guy
If you’re
willing to
hear the
truth, with
no holds
barred, then
send your
questions to
has a lisp, so that's another thing that make him a target.
And I guarantee, you probably will get some teasing
if you befriend him—so what? Sometimes all it takes to
help a situation is someone from the 'in-crowd' sending
a sign to others that the outsider is okay. If you have
your own friends, they'll back you up. If you don't have
your own friends, and you're just a follower, you're better
off making friends with the new kid. He'll appreciate
it, you'll make your own friend, and have someone to
stand with you when the crowd inevitably turns on you.
Faze Reader:
My friend and I went grad dress shopping together
and she found an amazing dress. Thing is, I knew I
would look way better in it so I went back and bought
it for myself. Now she's mad at me. How do I tell her
I did her a favour without sounding mean?
ED REPLIES:
You can't, because you didn't do her a favour, you did
yourself one - and a shortsighted one at that. You
should have told her when you found the dress that
there were likely other dresses that flattered her more.
But what you did was underhanded. Either take the
dress back, or help her find another dress that she likes,
but don't tell her you were doing her a favour. That is,
if she even feels like hanging with you anymore. I'd
kick you to the curb.
Faze Reader:
Lately my mom has been
driving me insane. She
wants to know everything.
Who I'm talking
to on the phone,
where I'm going, for
how long, who's
going to be there, it
never ends! I know
she cares about me
and all that stuff but
how do I tell her to
back off and that I can
be trusted?
ED REPLIES:
I can't answer
this without
being as
irresponsible as radio psychologists. I don't know your particular
situation, your family dynamic, history, etc. But
maybe it's best to start by asking her why it seems like
she doesn't trust you, and talk about her concerns
without being angry or stand-offish.
Faze Reader:
My new friend has lots of money and always wants to
go out for lunch or shopping after school. I have started
dipping into my "car savings" just to keep up with
her and not look like I'm poor. She has lots of cool
friends and I don't want her to drop me but I can't
keep this up much longer. What can I do to seem rich
without spending much money?
ED REPLIES:
Why do you need to seem rich? There's no shame in
working for your money and spending it carefully. In
fact, there are much greater long-term benefits in
demonstrating respect for money than there is in senselessly
spending to keep up appearances. And if your
friendship is based solely upon sharing conspicuous
consumption, find someone else.
Ed's compilation CD, Featuring "songs that don't suck"
(With tracks from Sum 41, Swollen Members, Gob, Bif Naked, LiveOnRelease and more)
Follow Faze on Twitter @FazeMagazine
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